Porch conversations lead to blog posts

"If you could change one thing in your past, would you?"

It's an interesting question that people ask sometimes. My dear friend and I were sitting on the porch one day, contemplating all the random things a philosophy/theology/catechetics major and communication arts major can possibly combine. Life came into the conversation - as it always does when you're Catholic and quite the pro-life advocates - and so did this question.

"I know older folk tend to say they wouldn't."

Which is true.

"But I think I would, wouldn't you?"

I sat still a moment. Would I? Would I change one little thing? What would it be? Who would I be because of if? Since I'm a Whovian, I started getting all science fiction over the question and how it would probably mess up my timestream and the world would turn out differently. Except maybe without the aliens.

So I said no.

Really, I do like the way my life has turned out so far. Despite everything, and because of everything, and by the grace of God, I'd made it to that exact spot on the porch, with the exact personality and experience that I had, sitting next to that dear friend of mine. Maybe I said no because there was nothing disturbing my peace at that moment. Maybe if I'd been in a difficult situation or had a different, more turbulant past, my answer would be different. But I wasn't precisely sure why I'd answered with a "no."

Then a few days later, I began reading a book about Pope Saint John Paul II.

JPII wasn't always the kind, heroic Papa everyone usually refers to. Because he lived during WWII, the  many ups and downs of his young adult life played a tremendous part in who he eventually became. He was alone in the world at age 20. He worked hard in a quarry, but somehow found time to pray and attend daily Mass.

My favorite fact, though, was that he was an actor. I've read his "Letter to Artists" several times now. This magnificent letter reflects the author's gentleness, compassion, fervor, love, and enthusiasm. You can see how much he cares about human dignity. You can feel his passion for the true, good, and beautiful. And because of this, you can also tell that he went through so much during his early life.

This is one of the many outcomes of the life John Paul II lived, and I know there are many, many more.
Honestly, I'm very glad he didn't go back to change any one thing.

I can't speak for everyone, and I know there are some people who would give anything to change a single past mistake or event in their lives. But I wouldn't. I couldn't, at least knowing that not one mistake or tragedy in my life is irredeemable. I couldn't knowing that however broken things are, God will make something even more beautiful out of them. Just like he made a masterpiece in Pope Saint John Paul II. Just like he did with the Cross.

Will the mistakes and tragedies hurt? Probably. Probably a lot. I'll probably even come back to this blog and wonder why on earth I chose not to change anything. But then I'll remember. Then I'll hold on to God as tight as I can, and pray not to let go.

So for now I'll say no. No, I wouldn't change a thing.

And so begins the Triduum

Yesterday some friends and I attended a liturgy known as Tenebrae.
(You can find more information about its origins and meaning here)
Tenebrae means of the dark in latin. It was aptly named.

Candles are often seen as a metaphor for hope, particularly when that candle is placed in a dark room. As we walked in, only the 12 candles and soft lights lit the chapel. The brightest light in fact came from the candles. As each candle was snuffed out one by one, you could just feel the darkness creeping up. The tendrils of smoke from the just-snuffed candle teased the flames of the other candles, and the flames flickered as if they were shivering at what was to come. The psalms were beautifully sung, yet it seemed they were on the verge of despair. The writer laments how the wicked around him were flourishing, while he is righteous and poor. He begins to wonder if his good deeds mean anything.

 One by one, each light of hope was extinguished, until the 9 before the congregation were all darkened. Then, two candles on the altar were extinguished. The “Christ candle” was taken away, and three ominous booms loudly echoed through the silent chapel. The “Christ” light was brought back into the darkened chapel, now even more somber than before. The celebrant and the choir departed in silence, and it felt like a blanket of silence had settled over us all as we were left with the single candle. There was something there in the solitary candle in the dark stillness. It was a thin candle, not very big, but its flame was still alive, flickering slightly precariously, but quite bright. It was a quiet hope – a small witness of what was to come. It was evidence that the darkness will not prevail completely, that light will never die.


Picture source

[Picture Source]
Lord of Lords  by Brooke Fraser
Beholding Your beauty   Is all that I long for   To worship You Jesus   Is my sole desire   For this very heart   You have shaped for be your pleasure   Purposed to lift Your Name higher 
 Here in surrender   In pure adoration   I enter Your courts   With an offering of praise   I am Your servant  Come to bring You glory  As is fit for the work of Your hands 
 [Chorus 1:]  Now unto the Lamb   Who sits on the throne   Be glory and honor and praise   All of creation resounds with the song   Worship and praise Him   The Lord of lords 
 Spirit now living   And dwelling within me   Keep my eyes fixed   Ever on Jesus' face   Let not the things of this world  Ever sway me   I'll run 'til I finish the race 
Holy Lord   You are holy   Jesus Christ   Is the Lord 

I just wanted to say that snow is beautiful.

That is all.

Life

Heading out to the March for Life out in DC later today. =)

I went for the first time last year and really enjoyed being there despite the cold and rain. Because really, it was less of a protest/demonstration than it was this HUGE party. People from all over the country had come, even some who had to travel over 8 hours to get there!

It made me think of another rally that my home state had. It wasn't as big, but it was pretty good for one of the most liberal states. =)
As we were walking at some point, someone asked, "Well, what about war? War kills people too." My poor highscool self didn't know what to say at the time. She wanted to respond, but didn't know how.
I wish I could've told him that 55 million people are missing since Roe v. Wade...which is more than any one war.
I wish I could tell every single mother considering abortion that she is loved so much more than she thinks, and abortion will only hurt her. I wish I could tell them how much pain and trauma I can see in the people I know who have had abortions.

I wish. I can't do anything big enough now to do that.
But I can do little things instead.

I can attend this march and witness to how much life means to me. I can go and tell the world by going how much fun life is! I'll laugh with my friends, skip down the road, sing, and just celebrate life.

I can live the life I have. And by doing so, maybe they'll change how they see life... maybe they'll give others a chance.

Life is beautiful, and everyone deserves a chance to live it.

Will you march with us?

Don't think I need to say anything more. Except maybe...you should come see the epicness. It's a party. For Life.

Oh hi 2013

A happy new year to you, dear anonymous reader(s)! I hope this year brings you new dreams to reach for, new adventures and opportunities to explore, and many blessings.

So during the countdown to today, my family and I were watching tv and Taylor Swift came on to sing. Now I like Taylor Swift's music, not all of it, but it has a certain refreshing innocence to it compared with a lot of other music. Well, it did anyway...now I'm not so sure. But seeing her on screen kind of reminded me of this blog post that I'd read quite a while back:

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently.  For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Read more: The Death of Pretty


Today is the feast of Mary, Mother of God. It's also the first day of the new year. While people are making resolutions to lose weight to become that "hot" image, I'm going to be a rebel.
To the girls who have somehow made their way to this little blog, I don't know about you, but I don't want my heart to belong to someone who is only after my looks. I want to be loved, cherished, and respected for who I am by a man who truly sees this. I know you want the same thing too, don't deny it. But if you really want it, it has to begin with you.

This year, I'm taking Mary as a model and guide. Not just in the way I dress, but in the way I act.
Being pretty is not necessarily going to catch a whole lot of attention. But it's ok. Because the person who does notice is the one who's worth it. In the end, I'll always remember that there's Someone (or someones ;) ) who think I'm beautiful.
And they are worth it indeed.